I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
