Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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