I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Randomize
