Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Alive.
So much puke
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
