you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
