I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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