so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
