He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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