Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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