omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
