I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
