I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
