porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
