Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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