Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
