WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
