I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
