she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
