dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
