U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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