I wish I could punch you in the face.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
