The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
