Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
