so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You were trust falling into bushes
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
