even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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