Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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