He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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