After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
