Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
