i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
