I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
