OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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