he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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