did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
