I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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