i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
