i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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