i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
