I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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