i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
