I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think im going to throw up on grandma
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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