Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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