My first STD was from a foam party
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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