Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
