fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can't turn off my feet"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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