i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
