we made out on top of his cat.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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