I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
