We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
