she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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