We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
