God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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