He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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